He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
