Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
