I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
