i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
