I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
