i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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