I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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