three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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