So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
