What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
