So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
