i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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