The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he thought i was a dude.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
