thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
