my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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