Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
