Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
