Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
