I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
