If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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