Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
