A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
