I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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