Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
