A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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