Dual....:-)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
