The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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