he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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