I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
