Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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