just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
