I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hippo gnu deer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
