oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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