So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize