Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
