I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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