I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
