I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
whose parrot is this?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂