I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.