somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.