census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?