I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
