i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
