i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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