do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
