He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
