I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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