I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
