i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
