Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
