so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
