isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
