He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
