also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
