Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
