Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize