16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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