What a fucking waste of an outfit
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
