I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
