My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
