I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
