Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
