I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
