i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
