We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
