wakey wakey hands off snakey
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
