I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
