I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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