Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
this just has baby written all over it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
