I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize