he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize