Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry about my life...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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