I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
