i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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