VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
