I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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