Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
