Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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