The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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