after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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