you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
