..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
